Building rapport

Whenever thinking of the word “rapport”, a famous example of someone failing to build a rapport always springs to mind. This incident is described in the book “Getting to Yes” (Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton):

“… in Persian, the word “compromise” apparently lacks the positive meaning it has in English of “a midway solution both sides can live with”, but has only a negative meaning as in “our integrity was compromised.” Similarly, the word “mediator” in Persian suggests “meddler”, someone who is barging in uninvited. In early 1980 U.N. Secretary General Waldheim flew to Iran to seek the release of American hostages. His efforts were seriously set back when Iranian national radio and television broadcast in Persian a remark he reportedly made on his arrival in Tehran: “I have come as a mediator to work out a compromise.” Within an hour of the broadcast, his car was being stoned by angry Iranians.”

Or to put it bluntly; by not doing his homework, the U.N. Secretary General informed an entire nation that “I’ve come to stick my nose in where its not wanted so we can completely shaft you”.  A complete fail when attempting to build any kind of rapport.

UN Secretary General Waldheim - "Just watch the spoilers on that car boys"

Building a rapport is essential in any form of meeting, negotiation or training. Three methods frequently used are mirroring (emphasizing, listening),  reciprocity (giving gifts or favours to trigger feelings of obligation) and commonality (building trust through shared goals, situations and interests).

While QEC is not exactly renowned for showering students with gifts (I’m not sure a free evaluation counts here), mirroring and commonality play a significant role when focusing on the student’s language communication requirements where the issues they encounter at work need to be understood and addressed by the trainer. Once the student realizes that their needs are indeed being addressed then a rapport begins to develop. Most people can identify with that feeling of frustration when over the course of a conversation the person you’re speaking to clearly doesn’t understand what it is that you do, and goes on to make (usually inaccurate) assumptions. Students often face the same frustrations with trainers when they feel the trainer is not addressing, or is even dismissing, their concerns.

By listening to the student, QEC designs and prioritises lessons based on their actual English language requirements at work. Sometimes the student supplies materials directly from the workplace; at other times the trainer needs to create materials obtained through company research and to analyse information provided by the student.

The end result is that by using real life examples and role-plays the student is situation ready; they can learn it today and use it at work tomorrow. This also bridges the gap between theoretical and practical experience in the most interesting way that the student can directly identify with.

It is not unusual for a proportion of lesson time to be spent mentoring a student on actual or anticipated problems that arise in their workplace. The nicest compliment I received from a student was when he told me that when faced with a situation at work he visualises looking over his shoulder and seeing me advising him – except that I am on a computer screen rather than stood behind him!

Given  Secretary General Waldheim’s gaffe in Iran, I dont think it will come as a great surprise to anyone to know that the joke doing the rounds at the time was that when arriving home the first thing he said to his wife was “Guess What? I just got stoned in Iran!”

Stand and Deliver!

There were some pretty scary things going on in the UK in the early 1980s – riots, Thatcher, Adam Ant, VDUs, to name just a few.

Whoa. Stop. VDUs?

Yes, VDUs. For those under the age of 40 then this stands for Visual Display Unit, an item that began to appear in the offices of many businesses and public authorities  in the early 1980s as they began the switch to computerised administration systems. VDUs actually did very little compared to today’s Microsoft driven systems, primarily serving for display and data input (another 80s buzzword deleted from most CVs in the early 1990s).

What they did do was to make many staff who had spent most of their working lives using paper systems, extremely nervous. It was change – big change and although people understood it, accepted it and often were quite fascinated by it, many felt uneasy, regarding this new technology as a toy for the young and something to be used as a last resort.

Even though logic dictated that the strange television like object perched in the middle of their desk (now cheerily rechristened a workstation) would make work more comfortable with the press of a button, many still hankered for the days where the pencil-sharpener took pride of place.

Stop it. You're scaring me - An early 1980s VDU

Zoom 30 years ahead and although VDU phobia is now consigned to history, some things designed to make life better still have the ability to make people uneasy.

Skype is one of the greatest innovations to emerge with the advent of the Internet. It can facilitate meetings, on-line training or just talking to family and friends. An added plus is that in its basic version its free.

So why do so many people in the western world still shy away from it? I’ve seen European managers make calls on their mobiles to the other side of the world while sat at a laptop with Skype downloaded and ready to go, often  oblivious to the cost; although happy to instruct their own staff to use it where possible.

Skype is also an excellent tool for teaching, particularly languages, and saves valuable teacher and student time. A quick google search will turn up a range of extras available for free download (whiteboard, recorder to name a few) ensuring that most angles are catered for. However, many teachers and students still shy away, citing “I prefer the personal contact”, before jumping on a bus to travel 45 minutes to the other side of town for their lesson. A strange counter-argument when we live in a world where time is often at a premium.

So why such reticence? Many nod their heads in agreement that they can save time and money before downloading and metaphorically throwing it into the corner like a discarded Christmas present.

No such worries in emerging economies such as China, Taiwan and India where online teaching appears to be booming or in Japan where the long-held  culture of “Eikaiwa” (conversation lessons) went online many years ago.

Ask any student or businessman from those regions if they prefer a lesson or a meeting in person or via Skype and its a no brainer. Anything that can add time and convenience to the work or learning process is fully embraced and apprehension firmly put aside.

Yet the issue of addressing the inner fear when faced with new technology still exists in many of us, be it programming the video recorder or facing a web cam. Is fear of change still so strong in 2011?

Maybe we shouldn’t be so surprised; a look through the news in 2011 tells us that maybe things haven’t changed that much – sadly there are still riots, Mrs Thatcher is occasionally wheeled out for a sound bite and Adam Ant is making yet another comeback.